Mornings of hope

Good Morning everyone--I think. After working third shift for over a year, I can officially say I am NOT a morning person. Getting up at 0630 with Chels on the days I am off is well for lack of a better word--difficult for me. But I do like what mornings represent. An awakening. A brand new start to a day. The unwrapping of hope. We can step outside and take a breathe of cool air and start all over no matter what happened yesterday. The sun and animals are slowly peaking out. Slowly, house lights pop on one by one. For some reason getting up in the middle of the day just doesn't feel the same. My husband and I watched a Christmas movie last night---don't laugh I don't have any decorations up yet or anything. Anyway-the plot of the movie was how sometimes when life is good and we are blessed there is still one piece missing from our life to make it all work. Sometimes that piece has been right there in front of us all along but we are so stuck on holding on to grief or fear or anger that we rob our selves of having a complete life. I have been there. I have so much anger brewed up inside of me for several what I have saw as tragedies in my life. My first "boyfriend" died shortly after a kidney transplant due to rejection at age 13, I had a miscarriage in 1996 and I could not understand what I did wrong, my best friend died at age 17 in 1998 and I was devastated. Chelsi's father left and could find "love" with everyone but me when she was just a baby. My grandmother's house and father's homestead was taken by the tornado just minutes after my dad got grandma out of the house. She died a month later from a heart attack.My nephew was born with seizures and we stood in fear wondering if he would live through those first few days in 2004. I lost my job in 2009 for no fault of my own simply because they could pay someone less. My grandmother had to suffer from the debilitating effects of alzheimer's after following all the rules and taking care of herself her whole life. My list goes on and on and on and on and started with "minor" tragedies in school....but I still slowly diffuse my hurt and anger over things like this. The bottom line is that it is not for me to understand, just to accept. I have to forgive the people that hurt me, or am robbing myself of happiness. My life is so full of blessings I can't count them and I pray almost daily that more of the hurt inside me be taken away. I hope everyone can find that refuge in God. That release. The devil surely tries to imprison us with misery and pile the gloom on so high that sometimes it is hard to see the beauty of something as simple as a new morning. I will keep looking though, and trying to be grateful for everything wonderful that has been provided. Enjoy the warm temps and sunshine today everyone. I think a white winter is not too far ahead of us.

What a dreary day, but was a good one to sleep this mornin. Shawn has been busy at work fixin up a truck for us to have as our second vehicle. Grateful that he has the talent to work on things to save us money. Went to the health fair today and my fasting blood sugar was 90 so that was good, but realize more and more every day just how unhealthy I have become. I don't feel I am lazy. I sleep different times than other people but I think over all less, I have so much on my plate I feel like I am in a whirlwind most days--yet I feel like my health and well being have no spot at all on my roster right now. That has to change. I feel selfish when I take time for myself, but am beginning to realize that the only selfish thing would be to have a heart attack or stroke or some horrible disease because I didn't put a little effort in to myself. That would be cutting my time with my family short. I can make lists and organizational charts and plans, and if i don't actually have time to follow through than they are pointless.
Shawn got all the bikes put away today, and I am gonna work on the shrubs and front porch tomorrow. I also need to finish cleaning carpets, putting away halloween deco, 2 loads of laundry, a few groceries, preparing for PALS teaching thursday/friday, preparing for girlscouts Friday, cleaning out fridge and giving the main bathroom a good scrubbing.(somehow playing in the leaves last evening for the kids resulted in a destruction of the bathroom). I have to start preparing for Christmas at some point and figure out how much more i have to work to get stuff for the kiddos and hope they enjoy their gifts. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, but at the same time love caring for my family and don't see myself doing many unnecessary tasks at all.
I would like to add some of my favorite recipes that we like to this as time allows, but am still trying to figure out layouts and such. Well, things need done and I am getting sleepy--only 4 hours sleep today and still have to drive in to chelsi basketball practice in a bit.

Courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says... 'I'll try again tomorrow.'" ~ Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey

It is amazing how God works to help us along our journey setting everything into place.  Sometimes the bad has to happen to make the perfect stage for the good.  I have enjoyed my morning thoroughly this morning. Helped my daughter get ready for spirit day today and smiled inside at what a beautiful young woman she is becoming. I will cherish every moment knowing that the days will pass so quickly and she will be out on her own.  My son looked strikingly handsome this morning going off to school and the bond that he and his father has is amazingly beautiful.  I hope one day he grows to have a wealth of talents he shares with his family from what he has learned tagging with dad.  My husband and I had quiet time together and he pulled me close to his chest and told me he wished he could keep me there forever.  My heart leaped and overflowed with love.  My work schedule has worked out and I should have one extra day per week through the end of January, which will help with the winter bills.  My house is warm and full of love, and it feels so good to find refuge here.  My father sent me home the "issues" to review before voting in a couple weeks and it is a nice feeling to know at almost 36 my father is still interested in the decisions I make.  My mother shares her Amish love story books with me and for some reason I feel bonded to her when reading them knowing we share similar values and morals, and I reflect on how much she prepared me to be a good mother.  I am trying to prepare for a girlscouts meeting this afternoon and decided I was trying to hard. This is about giving the girls a sense of belonging and setting an example and guiding them to be better people. Not about awards or time limits, so I hope to have a great meeting today.  It was posed to me not long ago by someone I love dearly that it just didn't make sense that there was a God that would let bad things happen to people and war to be going on and famines and homeless people. If he was a real father He would make everything right. Sad to think that at one time every thing was perfect and sin ruined it. God doesn't make the bad things happen, sin and the devil does. Pride does. Selfishness does. God is the small glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, the hand that picks us up, the good that is left in this earth.  He has to be invited to help us and we have to be willing to make things right. He shows us the way instead of handing us the answers.  The devil has knocked on my door so many times in the last 3 or 4 years and tried everything in his power to discourage me and make me give up. I have been close but every time I was at a breaking point and in tears, I closed my eyes and gave it all over to the Lord and simply looked for the answers.  There was always answers and my family has grown. I cannot begin to count the blessings, our cup overflows.  So I will continue to smile and enjoy my days and pray that you will to.  Be grateful for all of your blessings instead of focusing on the misfortunes. Have a great day everyone.
 

This morning I am grateful for my high school english teacher, Mrs. Marie Ellerbrock. I helped my nephew with his college english essay and I see that it is just not being taught like it used to. I asked him to write down his thoughts and then I transformed them Ellerbrock style!!! He had a huge smile on his face with the end result.I am thankful grammar skills and imagery were instilled in us that we might pass it on to another generation. It feels like it is gonna be another cocoa or capaccino day. I hope everyone stays warm and toasty. Gonna prep for the girlscout meeting on Friday and work on my portfolio to gain an advancement at work--5% raise to put my accomplishments and efforts on paper.  The scheduler called last night from Dupont and I was able to sign up for another day per week through the end of February which again is a huge feeling of relief and satisfaction.

A very dreary day today, but yet i am thankful. Every season has it's place and has it's part in our beautiful world.  I have felt very blessed by my family today. I sit and ponder sometimes or rather ponder while I try to do things and I thought today how much we really have to be grateful for and how we should be sure to be aware of everything we do. Some people are homeless and begging for a warm blanket and 50 cents for a coffee. How easy is it to leave a blanket on the floor and complain about it being drafty in our "too small" home--or even sweep 50 cents up in the sweeper or throw it in the car ashtray.  Someone is paralyzed and dying to take a step--how many times do we take our strengths and abilities for granted.  Someone is in a coma and dying to speak and tell someone they love them--how many times do we not say the words when we had the perfect opportunity to the people that mean the most to us.There is a mother or father dying wishing they had just a few more moments with their children--how easy is it to tell your kids you will play or participate because things need done first. There are people dying to go to work--how easy is it to complain about overtime and fatigue. There are handicapped people giving 150% to learn a skill--how easy is it to ignore our talents and blessings and be lazy instead.  I challenge you to be aware of every minute of your day so when you go to sleep you have a pure sense of happiness and fulfillment. I am off to make a pillowcase for my daughter--just because she wants to.!

As I clean my house today and try to find spots for everything after the kitchen remodel, I try to remember what inspired me to accumulate all of this JUNK.   I have come to the conclusion that the statement "someone's junk is someone else's treasure" is only partially true.  I have so much of my grandmother's from both sides, mother's and shawn's mother's things in my home. When I took them in I think part of the time I was thinking this meant a lot to them so I should keep this, or maybe I will use this maybe someday.  And do you want to know what: I have never used the stuff and now all it has created is unwanted clutter. I have made a promise to myself that if I am not POSITIVE my family will use the item, it is not coming into my house.  I love my little house, but cannot stand clutter.I believe whole heartedly that less is more.I have amish friends and their house is immaculate and there is no clutter anywhere. The kids have  a small corner with toys, there are a few precious handmade decorations, and the bedrooms are simple and uncluttered and meant for sleeping. It is no wonder their homes are so beautiful, they do not have to move and shuffle junk in order to clean.  I hope by this winter to have my home simplified, donating what is not needed and recycling the materials that can be taken to the center.I have cleaned people's home as employment in the past and growled under my breath at excessive clutter---my oh my I wonder what the cleaning lady would mutter in my home.  Now back to my accumulations and trip to simplification.