Mornings of hope

Good Morning everyone--I think. After working third shift for over a year, I can officially say I am NOT a morning person. Getting up at 0630 with Chels on the days I am off is well for lack of a better word--difficult for me. But I do like what mornings represent. An awakening. A brand new start to a day. The unwrapping of hope. We can step outside and take a breathe of cool air and start all over no matter what happened yesterday. The sun and animals are slowly peaking out. Slowly, house lights pop on one by one. For some reason getting up in the middle of the day just doesn't feel the same. My husband and I watched a Christmas movie last night---don't laugh I don't have any decorations up yet or anything. Anyway-the plot of the movie was how sometimes when life is good and we are blessed there is still one piece missing from our life to make it all work. Sometimes that piece has been right there in front of us all along but we are so stuck on holding on to grief or fear or anger that we rob our selves of having a complete life. I have been there. I have so much anger brewed up inside of me for several what I have saw as tragedies in my life. My first "boyfriend" died shortly after a kidney transplant due to rejection at age 13, I had a miscarriage in 1996 and I could not understand what I did wrong, my best friend died at age 17 in 1998 and I was devastated. Chelsi's father left and could find "love" with everyone but me when she was just a baby. My grandmother's house and father's homestead was taken by the tornado just minutes after my dad got grandma out of the house. She died a month later from a heart attack.My nephew was born with seizures and we stood in fear wondering if he would live through those first few days in 2004. I lost my job in 2009 for no fault of my own simply because they could pay someone less. My grandmother had to suffer from the debilitating effects of alzheimer's after following all the rules and taking care of herself her whole life. My list goes on and on and on and on and started with "minor" tragedies in school....but I still slowly diffuse my hurt and anger over things like this. The bottom line is that it is not for me to understand, just to accept. I have to forgive the people that hurt me, or am robbing myself of happiness. My life is so full of blessings I can't count them and I pray almost daily that more of the hurt inside me be taken away. I hope everyone can find that refuge in God. That release. The devil surely tries to imprison us with misery and pile the gloom on so high that sometimes it is hard to see the beauty of something as simple as a new morning. I will keep looking though, and trying to be grateful for everything wonderful that has been provided. Enjoy the warm temps and sunshine today everyone. I think a white winter is not too far ahead of us.